We get stuck with forgiving when looking for logical reasons to forgive. We often say “I can’t forgive” or “I don’t know how to forgive” because we are looking for a good reason to forgive. The problem is you may never find a “good” reason.
Forgiveness challenges us to be compassionate, to offer kindness to someone who seemingly doesn’t deserve it. We may think, “Why should I be nice to the person who has hurt me?” This is the logical mind at work, and this logical mind isn’t going to forgive.
Is it logical that Jesus asked the Lord to forgive the people that were killing him? Ordinary people would pray that those killing them suffer for their actions. That’s because ordinary people are conditioned to “fight fire with fire.”
But if you are practicing spiritual life, you are supposed to fight fire with water. You fight” abuse with kindness; hurt with compassion; hatred with love.
Compassion for the person who hurt you is a powerful way to overcome resentment. I know this can be difficult to do. Yet when we tell ourselves this is too difficult, we are also telling ourselves , “I can’t forgive.”
I have personally found that not forgiving is more difficult than forgiving. This is because resentment is a huge and painful burden to carry.
We like to think of ourselves as spiritual people, yet we need to acknowledge how non-spiritual our actions often are. If we want to hurt someone who harmed us, that’s not spiritual. If we cannot respond to mistreatment with understanding and tolerance, that is not spiritual.
Forgiveness is an act of the heart. It happens automatically when you relinquish the need and desire to punish another person. Forgiveness challenges you to come to a higher level of consciousness.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Compassion is the Cure for Resenment
A devotee of the Lord does not want to see another person suffer. He feels he has no right to judge or inflict pain on anyone. When this humility mixes with compassion, forgiveness arises.
Humility, forgiveness and compassion are inherent within bhakti. When we come to a higher stage of spiritual awareness, forgiveness will be an automatic and natural response to hurt and abuse.
When we look for justification for our resentment, it is helpful to look at how willing we are to get back at another. When we judge another it says more about us and our need to judge than it does about the person we are judging. Similarly, our need for revenge says more about us and our need to get back for what was done to us than it says about what the person did to us.
This understanding can help us reflect upon our current level of spiritual consciousness. We should not only evaluate our spiritual standing by external criteria, i.e. how well or how often we perform specific practices, but we must also look at our attitudes and our responses to challenges to better understand how we are progressing spiritually.
Humility, forgiveness and compassion are inherent within bhakti. When we come to a higher stage of spiritual awareness, forgiveness will be an automatic and natural response to hurt and abuse.
When we look for justification for our resentment, it is helpful to look at how willing we are to get back at another. When we judge another it says more about us and our need to judge than it does about the person we are judging. Similarly, our need for revenge says more about us and our need to get back for what was done to us than it says about what the person did to us.
This understanding can help us reflect upon our current level of spiritual consciousness. We should not only evaluate our spiritual standing by external criteria, i.e. how well or how often we perform specific practices, but we must also look at our attitudes and our responses to challenges to better understand how we are progressing spiritually.
Compassion Cures Resentment
A devotee of the Lord does not want to see another person suffer. He feels he has no right to judge or inflict pain on anyone. When this humility mixes with compassion, feeling for the suffering of others, forgiveness arises.
In the tradition of bhakti (devotion), humility, forgiveness and compassion are inherent within bhakti. This means that wherever bhakti fully mamifests there must be humility, forgiveness and compassion.
When we look for justification for our resentment, it is helpful to look at how willing we are to get back at another. When we judge another it says more about us and our need to judge than it does about the person we are judging. Similarly, our need for revenge says more about us and our need to get back for what was done to us than it says about what the person did to us.
When we come to a higher stage of spiritual awareness, forgiveness will be an automatic and natural response to hurt and abuse.
This understanding can help us reflect upon our current level of spiritual consciousness. We should not only evaluate our spiritual standing by external criteria, i.e. how well or how often we perform specific practices, but we must also look at our attitudes, and our responses to challenges, to better understand how we are progressing spiritually.
In the tradition of bhakti (devotion), humility, forgiveness and compassion are inherent within bhakti. This means that wherever bhakti fully mamifests there must be humility, forgiveness and compassion.
When we look for justification for our resentment, it is helpful to look at how willing we are to get back at another. When we judge another it says more about us and our need to judge than it does about the person we are judging. Similarly, our need for revenge says more about us and our need to get back for what was done to us than it says about what the person did to us.
When we come to a higher stage of spiritual awareness, forgiveness will be an automatic and natural response to hurt and abuse.
This understanding can help us reflect upon our current level of spiritual consciousness. We should not only evaluate our spiritual standing by external criteria, i.e. how well or how often we perform specific practices, but we must also look at our attitudes, and our responses to challenges, to better understand how we are progressing spiritually.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Hard Hearted
To advance in spritiual life the heart must become soft. Fault finding, holding grudges, being jealous of others, etc. makes the heart hard.
In the Vedas it is said that a person advanced in spiritual consciousness has a heart soft like gold and such a soft heart can easily melt in love of God.
In the Vedas it is said that a person advanced in spiritual consciousness has a heart soft like gold and such a soft heart can easily melt in love of God.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Your Story
A baby lion was raised by a family of sheep. When he grew older they sent him away because he was different. A man found him lamenting because he was faced with a life alone. The man asked why are you so depressed and the lion told him of his plight. The man said you are not a sheep, you are a lion. When the lion finally realized who he was, he became happy. As long as he thought he was a weird kind of sheep, he remained unhappy.
So he had the wrong story about who he was. Similarly, many of us have stories about who we are or what happened to us. It's not really what happens to us that upsets us, but it's the story we tell ourselves about what happened to us that upsets us. If we change the story, then we can go from resentment to forgiveness. So what actually happened to you that is causing you to remain resentful. What story are you telling yourself?
So he had the wrong story about who he was. Similarly, many of us have stories about who we are or what happened to us. It's not really what happens to us that upsets us, but it's the story we tell ourselves about what happened to us that upsets us. If we change the story, then we can go from resentment to forgiveness. So what actually happened to you that is causing you to remain resentful. What story are you telling yourself?
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The Need for Forgiveness in the World
The more I do the workshops, the more I see how needed and beneficial forgiveness is for ourselves, for relationships, for minimizing conflict at home and in the workplace, and for dealing with all the bigotry, hatred and prejudice in the world. Ours is a culture of “If I am wronged, I get back.” Most people’s accounts of all the injustices and hurts that were done to them is overflowing and they use these accounts to justify blame and anger. They build up these accounts and carefully save them. Anytime someone performs some horrible act, you can know for sure their victim account is overflowing.
Our culture loves retaliation. Movies are full of it. The hero is wronged and the whole movie is about him taking “justifiable” revenge. So our kids grow up thinking, “If someone hurts me, I must take revenge.Forgiveness is a sign of weakness."
People guard their victimhood. It is a story upon which they can justify their failures. If they lose that story, how can they justify their blame and anger? Anger makes them feel powerful. Ask them to forgive and they fear they will lose their power. But all anger and blame does is hide their pain, pain they don’t want to face. Forgiveness is the only door out of the prison of this pain.
Because forgiveness is so much needed in our world, and because practicing forgiveness brings people to a higher level of God consciousness, my intention is to expand forgiveness workshops around the world.
If you know anyone who might be interested in organizing a workshop please direct them to the site www.yogaofforgiveness.com. Or consider contacting someone at your school, office, community center, yoga studio, temple, church, etc. to discuss the benefit of having such a workshop.
Our culture loves retaliation. Movies are full of it. The hero is wronged and the whole movie is about him taking “justifiable” revenge. So our kids grow up thinking, “If someone hurts me, I must take revenge.Forgiveness is a sign of weakness."
People guard their victimhood. It is a story upon which they can justify their failures. If they lose that story, how can they justify their blame and anger? Anger makes them feel powerful. Ask them to forgive and they fear they will lose their power. But all anger and blame does is hide their pain, pain they don’t want to face. Forgiveness is the only door out of the prison of this pain.
Because forgiveness is so much needed in our world, and because practicing forgiveness brings people to a higher level of God consciousness, my intention is to expand forgiveness workshops around the world.
If you know anyone who might be interested in organizing a workshop please direct them to the site www.yogaofforgiveness.com. Or consider contacting someone at your school, office, community center, yoga studio, temple, church, etc. to discuss the benefit of having such a workshop.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Forgiveness and the Heart
In my forgiveness seminars, one thing consistently stands out: when a person's heart opens, they forgive. When the heart is softened one does not want to cause pain to another. Since resentment is about getting back at someone for the wrongs they have done, a softened heart is the antidote to resentment.
Through pranayama, chanting, prayer, and heart opening yoga, participants in my seminars can more easily let go of the need to be right, the need to punish, the need to keep a record of the wrongs, and the need to cling to their story. This happens through the power of the intelligence of the heart, an intelligence that knows what is right.
Through pranayama, chanting, prayer, and heart opening yoga, participants in my seminars can more easily let go of the need to be right, the need to punish, the need to keep a record of the wrongs, and the need to cling to their story. This happens through the power of the intelligence of the heart, an intelligence that knows what is right.
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