Love is a much more pleasant emotion than hate. If we get a taste for love, we will give up our taste for hate. If we allow ourselves to appreciate someone we hate, it will transform our life.
Forgiveness takes place when there is a change in our heart. If we only understand forgiveness in our mind, our heart won’t change. Forgiveness comes when we are willing to open our heart enough to feel the pain and hurt life presents to our abuser. When we do this, hostility begins to melt away.
When forgiveness matures further, our heart opens enough to become our well wisher. We pray for his or her well being and happiness and we feel appreciation. As we do this, our resentment naturally and painlessly pours out of our softened heart.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Forgiveness is the Cure for Victimhood
Forgiveness is one of the greatest cures for victimhood. Unfortunately, not being a victim is uncomfortable for some people. It's easy to see why a person who wants to remain a victim can't forgive others- then they would have to give up their victimhood.
We should be glad the abuse is over. Are we really glad? No, we’re not. We relive the event over and over again and we often relive it with more intensity and suffering than when it originally occurred.
Giving up resentment is like any other kind of renunciation. We give up something we are attached to because we recognize it’s not good for us and that it is impeding our spiritual progress. Resentment is the weapon we use to punish another. Why don’t we give up this weapon? We don't give it up because we are attached to it. It is the prized weapon we use to punish our abuser.
Lord Buddha taught that attachment is the cause of suffering. Lord Krsna taught that attachment is the cause of remaining in material consciousness and that material consciousness causes suffering. It's clear that material attachment is not good for spiritual progress. What is not always clear is that punishing someone through resentment is a far greater attachment and thus, far more detrimental to spiritual progress than mere attachment to material things.
We should be glad the abuse is over. Are we really glad? No, we’re not. We relive the event over and over again and we often relive it with more intensity and suffering than when it originally occurred.
Giving up resentment is like any other kind of renunciation. We give up something we are attached to because we recognize it’s not good for us and that it is impeding our spiritual progress. Resentment is the weapon we use to punish another. Why don’t we give up this weapon? We don't give it up because we are attached to it. It is the prized weapon we use to punish our abuser.
Lord Buddha taught that attachment is the cause of suffering. Lord Krsna taught that attachment is the cause of remaining in material consciousness and that material consciousness causes suffering. It's clear that material attachment is not good for spiritual progress. What is not always clear is that punishing someone through resentment is a far greater attachment and thus, far more detrimental to spiritual progress than mere attachment to material things.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Responsibility
Is Forgiveness Possible Before We Are Pure?
The Golden Avatara in this age of Kali, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, asked us to do kirtana (chant the holy names of God) in a humble state of mind with the tolerance and forgiveness of a tree. This instruction was not meant for the realized souls for they were already humble, tolerant, and forgiving. This instruction was for those who wanted to become realized souls.
If we think forgiveness is not possible unless we are a saint, it's worth considering whether this might be an excuse to hold onto resentment. We might think, "Since I am not pure I cannot completely forgive so it's okay to be resentful at least to some degree.” Resentment is often a convenient way to blame someone or something for our personal problems, failures, or unhappiness. If we are not looking for a scapegoat then it’s likely we won’t be holding on to any resentment. Notice, I said “holding on to” resentment. Resentment is not holding onto us; we are holding on to it.
Of course, it is true that with spiritual practice good qualities develop, but it’s important to understand that part of that practice is to act as if we have those good qualities. Practicing forgiveness means to give up speaking ill of the people who have hurt us and to stop talking about what they did to us, how badly we were hurt by them, and how our life has been negatively affected by them. No matter how horrible their actions were towards us, it’s likely they didn’t do it to hurt us. Even if they did try to hurt us, forgiveness offers the opportunity to practice saintly behavior by being kind even to our enemy. In the evolution of our spiritual progress, we are meant to come to the point in which we do not wish ill to fall upon any one, even upon those who have deeply hurt us.
My spiritual master, A.C Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, asked all of his disciples, even those very new to spiritual practice, to cultivate the quality of forgiveness. If it wasn't possible to practice forgiveness he wouldn't have asked us to do so. Srila Prabhupada knew that the practice of forgiveness would create more forgiveness.
It also helps to see suffering as a reaction to something we have done, said, or thought in the past and with the suffering comes a lesson we need to learn. Thus, it doesn’t make sense to be resentful of those who deliver the suffering we deserve and need.
Of course, it’s true that in an immature stage of spiritual practice we may feel resentment even when we accept that we deserve it. However, forgiveness also means to take responsibility for how we feel. Just because we feel resentment, we don’t have the right to act, speak, and think in resentful ways. Many of us are still children in adult bodies. With maturity comes the detachment needed to let resentment go and to bring forgiveness in.
Sacred literature is full of stories of forgiveness, compassion, and humility. By hearing these stories we become inspired to develop these qualities. To forgive someone who hurt us there must be a desire to want to forgive, an attraction to want to be a forgiving person. Hearing how the great souls forgave grievous offenses inspires us to be more forgiving. With this inspiration in our heart we attract divine grace, the higher power that enables us to totally forgive.
The Golden Avatara in this age of Kali, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, asked us to do kirtana (chant the holy names of God) in a humble state of mind with the tolerance and forgiveness of a tree. This instruction was not meant for the realized souls for they were already humble, tolerant, and forgiving. This instruction was for those who wanted to become realized souls.
If we think forgiveness is not possible unless we are a saint, it's worth considering whether this might be an excuse to hold onto resentment. We might think, "Since I am not pure I cannot completely forgive so it's okay to be resentful at least to some degree.” Resentment is often a convenient way to blame someone or something for our personal problems, failures, or unhappiness. If we are not looking for a scapegoat then it’s likely we won’t be holding on to any resentment. Notice, I said “holding on to” resentment. Resentment is not holding onto us; we are holding on to it.
Of course, it is true that with spiritual practice good qualities develop, but it’s important to understand that part of that practice is to act as if we have those good qualities. Practicing forgiveness means to give up speaking ill of the people who have hurt us and to stop talking about what they did to us, how badly we were hurt by them, and how our life has been negatively affected by them. No matter how horrible their actions were towards us, it’s likely they didn’t do it to hurt us. Even if they did try to hurt us, forgiveness offers the opportunity to practice saintly behavior by being kind even to our enemy. In the evolution of our spiritual progress, we are meant to come to the point in which we do not wish ill to fall upon any one, even upon those who have deeply hurt us.
My spiritual master, A.C Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, asked all of his disciples, even those very new to spiritual practice, to cultivate the quality of forgiveness. If it wasn't possible to practice forgiveness he wouldn't have asked us to do so. Srila Prabhupada knew that the practice of forgiveness would create more forgiveness.
It also helps to see suffering as a reaction to something we have done, said, or thought in the past and with the suffering comes a lesson we need to learn. Thus, it doesn’t make sense to be resentful of those who deliver the suffering we deserve and need.
Of course, it’s true that in an immature stage of spiritual practice we may feel resentment even when we accept that we deserve it. However, forgiveness also means to take responsibility for how we feel. Just because we feel resentment, we don’t have the right to act, speak, and think in resentful ways. Many of us are still children in adult bodies. With maturity comes the detachment needed to let resentment go and to bring forgiveness in.
Sacred literature is full of stories of forgiveness, compassion, and humility. By hearing these stories we become inspired to develop these qualities. To forgive someone who hurt us there must be a desire to want to forgive, an attraction to want to be a forgiving person. Hearing how the great souls forgave grievous offenses inspires us to be more forgiving. With this inspiration in our heart we attract divine grace, the higher power that enables us to totally forgive.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
You Create Your Own Hell
You create your own hell, and then you burn in it.
My spiritual master sometimes uses the expression "hellish mentality. Yet, he doesn’t differentiate a “hellish mentality” from “dwelling in hell.”
We are impacted by every one of our thoughts. If the thoughts are hellish, we are in hell.
Hell is the absence of God. So a hellish mind is a mind without thoughts of God.
How far is God from us? He is only one thought away.
How far is hell from us. It's also only one thought away.
My spiritual master sometimes uses the expression "hellish mentality. Yet, he doesn’t differentiate a “hellish mentality” from “dwelling in hell.”
We are impacted by every one of our thoughts. If the thoughts are hellish, we are in hell.
Hell is the absence of God. So a hellish mind is a mind without thoughts of God.
How far is God from us? He is only one thought away.
How far is hell from us. It's also only one thought away.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Forgiveness Challenges You
We get stuck with forgiving when looking for logical reasons to forgive. We often say “I can’t forgive” or “I don’t know how to forgive” because we are looking for a good reason to forgive. The problem is you may never find a “good” reason.
Forgiveness challenges us to be compassionate, to offer kindness to someone who seemingly doesn’t deserve it. We may think, “Why should I be nice to the person who has hurt me?” This is the logical mind at work, and this logical mind isn’t going to forgive.
Is it logical that Jesus asked the Lord to forgive the people that were killing him? Ordinary people would pray that those killing them suffer for their actions. That’s because ordinary people are conditioned to “fight fire with fire.”
But if you are practicing spiritual life, you are supposed to fight fire with water. You fight” abuse with kindness; hurt with compassion; hatred with love.
Compassion for the person who hurt you is a powerful way to overcome resentment. I know this can be difficult to do. Yet when we tell ourselves this is too difficult, we are also telling ourselves , “I can’t forgive.”
I have personally found that not forgiving is more difficult than forgiving. This is because resentment is a huge and painful burden to carry.
We like to think of ourselves as spiritual people, yet we need to acknowledge how non-spiritual our actions often are. If we want to hurt someone who harmed us, that’s not spiritual. If we cannot respond to mistreatment with understanding and tolerance, that is not spiritual.
Forgiveness is an act of the heart. It happens automatically when you relinquish the need and desire to punish another person. Forgiveness challenges you to come to a higher level of consciousness.
Forgiveness challenges us to be compassionate, to offer kindness to someone who seemingly doesn’t deserve it. We may think, “Why should I be nice to the person who has hurt me?” This is the logical mind at work, and this logical mind isn’t going to forgive.
Is it logical that Jesus asked the Lord to forgive the people that were killing him? Ordinary people would pray that those killing them suffer for their actions. That’s because ordinary people are conditioned to “fight fire with fire.”
But if you are practicing spiritual life, you are supposed to fight fire with water. You fight” abuse with kindness; hurt with compassion; hatred with love.
Compassion for the person who hurt you is a powerful way to overcome resentment. I know this can be difficult to do. Yet when we tell ourselves this is too difficult, we are also telling ourselves , “I can’t forgive.”
I have personally found that not forgiving is more difficult than forgiving. This is because resentment is a huge and painful burden to carry.
We like to think of ourselves as spiritual people, yet we need to acknowledge how non-spiritual our actions often are. If we want to hurt someone who harmed us, that’s not spiritual. If we cannot respond to mistreatment with understanding and tolerance, that is not spiritual.
Forgiveness is an act of the heart. It happens automatically when you relinquish the need and desire to punish another person. Forgiveness challenges you to come to a higher level of consciousness.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Compassion is the Cure for Resenment
A devotee of the Lord does not want to see another person suffer. He feels he has no right to judge or inflict pain on anyone. When this humility mixes with compassion, forgiveness arises.
Humility, forgiveness and compassion are inherent within bhakti. When we come to a higher stage of spiritual awareness, forgiveness will be an automatic and natural response to hurt and abuse.
When we look for justification for our resentment, it is helpful to look at how willing we are to get back at another. When we judge another it says more about us and our need to judge than it does about the person we are judging. Similarly, our need for revenge says more about us and our need to get back for what was done to us than it says about what the person did to us.
This understanding can help us reflect upon our current level of spiritual consciousness. We should not only evaluate our spiritual standing by external criteria, i.e. how well or how often we perform specific practices, but we must also look at our attitudes and our responses to challenges to better understand how we are progressing spiritually.
Humility, forgiveness and compassion are inherent within bhakti. When we come to a higher stage of spiritual awareness, forgiveness will be an automatic and natural response to hurt and abuse.
When we look for justification for our resentment, it is helpful to look at how willing we are to get back at another. When we judge another it says more about us and our need to judge than it does about the person we are judging. Similarly, our need for revenge says more about us and our need to get back for what was done to us than it says about what the person did to us.
This understanding can help us reflect upon our current level of spiritual consciousness. We should not only evaluate our spiritual standing by external criteria, i.e. how well or how often we perform specific practices, but we must also look at our attitudes and our responses to challenges to better understand how we are progressing spiritually.
Compassion Cures Resentment
A devotee of the Lord does not want to see another person suffer. He feels he has no right to judge or inflict pain on anyone. When this humility mixes with compassion, feeling for the suffering of others, forgiveness arises.
In the tradition of bhakti (devotion), humility, forgiveness and compassion are inherent within bhakti. This means that wherever bhakti fully mamifests there must be humility, forgiveness and compassion.
When we look for justification for our resentment, it is helpful to look at how willing we are to get back at another. When we judge another it says more about us and our need to judge than it does about the person we are judging. Similarly, our need for revenge says more about us and our need to get back for what was done to us than it says about what the person did to us.
When we come to a higher stage of spiritual awareness, forgiveness will be an automatic and natural response to hurt and abuse.
This understanding can help us reflect upon our current level of spiritual consciousness. We should not only evaluate our spiritual standing by external criteria, i.e. how well or how often we perform specific practices, but we must also look at our attitudes, and our responses to challenges, to better understand how we are progressing spiritually.
In the tradition of bhakti (devotion), humility, forgiveness and compassion are inherent within bhakti. This means that wherever bhakti fully mamifests there must be humility, forgiveness and compassion.
When we look for justification for our resentment, it is helpful to look at how willing we are to get back at another. When we judge another it says more about us and our need to judge than it does about the person we are judging. Similarly, our need for revenge says more about us and our need to get back for what was done to us than it says about what the person did to us.
When we come to a higher stage of spiritual awareness, forgiveness will be an automatic and natural response to hurt and abuse.
This understanding can help us reflect upon our current level of spiritual consciousness. We should not only evaluate our spiritual standing by external criteria, i.e. how well or how often we perform specific practices, but we must also look at our attitudes, and our responses to challenges, to better understand how we are progressing spiritually.
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